Interesting Thought…

So, in 2 Nephi 25:26 it says:

“And we talk of Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophesies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”

Today was fast and testimony meeting for our stake, since we have stake conference next week. Throughout the meeting, it seemed as if people weren’t really saying that much about Christ other than the vain repetitions, “I know that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior and Redeemer…yada yada yada…in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.” And you know, other than the fact that I’m not God, that’s all well and good, but I think that we could do a little more talking about Christ. I think I will begin.

I know that the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. I have felt it in my own life. Christ has the power to deliver us not only from the bonds of death and hell, but also the powers of temptation and evil and to comfort us in our times of need. We must rely on His Atonement if we are to have any hope of returning to celestial glory with Him and the Father in the eternities. It is the only way in which carnal man can be forgiven of his transgressions and to be brought at one with God.

I know that the Atonement manages to be both infinite and personal at the same time. Christ was able to suffer the magnitude of the pain involved with the punishment for sin and to know the despair that each individual would face in mortality and afterwards. I know that Christ suffered in Gethsemane, died on Calvary, and was raised from the tomb of Joseph of Arimathaea so that both I and any individual who has ever existed upon this earth might have the opportunity to return to the Father if they will repent and follow Christ with every faculty that has bestowed upon them from heaven.

I know that Jesus Christ was sent from heaven to loosen the bands of death and the bonds of iniquity and that He did win that victory for our sakes. And I say these things in the name of Him, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Must be doing something right.

So, after my blog post from a couple of days ago, when I made the post about going on a mission, some interesting things have come about.  Let me just say that I can just the lord of darkness aka the father of all lies coming after me.  I can just tell that Satan is trying to mess me up in whatever way he can to keep me from doing what’s right.

Personally, I take this as I sign that I’m doing something right, hence the title of the entry.  I mean, Satan wouldn’t be coming after me if I was doing what he wanted me.  I would think that he would only try to tempt people who are on the strait and narrow to leave it, rather than those who he has firmly in his grasp.  This whole thing has made me think that the first time I tried to go on a mission, it wasn’t the Lord’s will, that He actually wanted me to go later and it was Satan trying to get me to jump the gun prematurely.  When I tried the first time, it was just too easy.  I had everything laid out, and it fell right into place…until it all suddenly came crumbling down with no mission call.  This time, I can tell that Satan is actively opposing me in my efforts to serve a mission.  He’s pulling out all the stops to try to keep me from preaching the Gospel.

All this just reaffirms my testimony that God lives and has a plan for each one of us.  It also tells me that Satan is among us and seeks to destroy our lives, take our agency, and separate us from the presence of God for the rest of eternity.  I hope with all my heart that I will be able to serve a full-time, proselyting mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and tell the world of all the things that I have learned of.  Whether they are willing to accept it or not isn’t my greatest concern.  I merely wish to proclaim the word to them, so that they can choose for the themselves.

It’s almost a plan…

So, today I was thinking again about missionary work, as I do every Sunday, but this time there was more of an air of hope, rather than despair.  I was thinking about why I’m not currently allowed to serve and if there would be any way to make some slight modifications so that I could go.  Let me take you through at least a portion of my thought process.

Let me back up a bit tell you exactly why I’m not medically eligible to go on a mission.  Right now I’m taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, fluoxetine hydrochloride, better know as Prozac.  Apparently, back in the ’80s, there were a bunch of kids who went on missions while taking this medication and didn’t come back because they had popped themselves off suddenly.  There has been a documented, yet statistically insignificant, increase in the risk of children and adolescents to commit suicide.  However, there has been a better documented and quite statistically significant decrease in the risk of adults to commit suicide.  Thus, the solution would be to make 19 y/o males wait a couple of years before going on a mission.  But no, anyone who takes the drug is totally barred from going on a mission.  Though that is beside the point.

The point is that, today, I learned of a medication that does essentially the same thing, except with different side effects.  The side effects of clomipramine (Anafril) tend to be more physical than psychological.  There is almost no increased risk of suicide, and yet it does possibly an even better job of what I want it to do than does fluoxetine.  To me, it seems like kind of a no-brainer.

The other issue at hand is whether I would actually be able to pay off my debts and have enough money to go by my 26th birthday.  At this point, I’ve racked up about $7 000 dollars in debts.  I don’t think it would be to my advantage to try to quit school for a few years, pay off the debt, save for the mission, go, and then come back like six years later with no degree and no money with which to finish school.  A much better plan, would be to finish school, then pay off my debts within about a year, save for the mission for another year, then go when I was about 24, or so.

Of course, this is all assuming that the best of circumstances roll out in my favor.  My doctor would have to agree to give me the clomipramine, which shouldn’t be too big of a deal.  I would have to be able to find work basically immediately after, or even before I graduated.  The economy would have to remain at least fairly stable.  A world-ending nuclear war would need to not happen (naturally.)  The missionary department would have to be happy with my choice of medication.  And finally, I would need all of my friends and family to not crap their pants.  Which could be troublesome…

But hey, at least there’s hope…:D

Just More of the Same

So, today was fast Sunday; and of course there’s the testimony meeting that goes along with the fast.  And you know, it was pretty much the same old stuff.  There was the dude who cried.  There was the girl who was grateful for the priesthood.  We went about ten minutes over…You know, fast and testimony meeting.

Well, today it seemed as if one of the themes throughout the block as that of service.  And of course, all the dudes talked about their missions, and all the women nodded and smiled.  Then they got to the point of talking about service for dead people.  And it hit me.

I guess I just realized today that I no longer have any desire to go the temple and do work for the dead.  I just really don’t care anymore.  Every time I go into that place I feel so angsty and just want to run out of the baptistry bawling my eyes out, ’cause it’s just too much for me to handle emotionally.  Then of course, I feel like a failure at life for the rest of day because I didn’t feel the Spirit in the temple.

It’s not like every time I go there I get asked, “So, when are you going on your mission?”  But I feel like it could be lurking around any corner.  At any moment, a dude who’s old enough to be my grandfather could jump out from a locker stall and yell with creepy old-dude voice, “When ya goin’ on yer mission, sonny?”  I mean, you don’t walk into a Relief Society room and ask all the single sisters, “So, when are getting married?”  Though, I would like to try it, just to emphasize a point.  You just don’t do that.

And I’ll definitely return to the temple at some point.  I mean, they generally give you a real temple recommend when you turn 23, either way.  I guess, until then, I’m just going to be the kid that’s “different.”  Just think of me as the fat kid in gym class…;)

I haz been heeled by the powah of JEEEEZUUUUSSSS!!!!!!!!!

So, last night, I definitely had an interesting experience.  My favorite Nepali roommate aka Krishna forwarded me an email entitled “Why boys shouldn’t cheat on girls!”  When I opened it had been forwarded about eleventy billion times, so I figured that it must be really good.  Well I was wrong.  Apparently it was about some girl named “Ashley” who was supposedly the second most popular girl at her high school.  She was going out with the most popular dude at her school named “Jack.”  Well, one day, she overhears Jack and “Courtney” (the most popular girl at her school) talking about how they’re going to go to a movie later on.  Well Ashley follows them around to the movie and follows them home where she watches through the window as they do the nasty.  Then, apparently, no one sees Ashley for a couple of days until her parents find her dead in her closet with a suicide note right next to her.  The email goes on to say that if I don’t forward this email, Ashley will come visit me tonight and kill me in my sleep…and I’ll lose the one that I love.

Let me just go on to point out the inconsistencies in this email before I detail the rest of my experience:  1) It tells me that I will both be killed and lose my love interest…no crap, I’ll definitely lose my love interest if I’m dead!  2) The author of this email new exactly what was in the suicide note that was found beside “Ashley.”  I would seriously doubt that that would happen.  3) The author of this email new exactly what “Ashley” was thinking throughout this whole process; if Ashley had truly killed herself, she probably wouldn’t have shared such intimate feelings with anyone immediately beforehand.  4)  The author new the exact circumstances concerning “Jack” and “Courtney” preceding Ashley’s death.  5) This sounds suspiciously like a chain letter sent out by some skanky h*b*tch who was shafted by some dude and was bitter about it.

Now, on to the rest of my experience.  So, after reading this email, and even after discovering all the inconsistencies, I was still a little freaked out.  But then I thought to myself, “Hey, if some disembodied spirit wants to give me crap, I’ll just cast it out by the power of the Priesthood.”  That made me feel quite a bit better.  Then I read in the March issue of the Ensign about Jesus and His marvelous ability to heal people and feed them by His Atonement.  That made me feel really good.  Then, just for added measure, I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven to protect me from the power of Satan and any who were under his grasp.  I then crawled into bed, ready to lift my right arm to the square at any moment…and promptly fell asleep; sleeping like a baby until this morning.

I think the lesson that I’m going to take away from this story is that of fear vs. faith.  My testimony was reaffirmed that Satan works by inspiring men with fear and enmity, while our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ work by faith in their names to build up the children of men against the power of Satan.

Now ain’t that just awesome?